It’s a topic we tend to shy away from but for the sake of the vulnerable, trusting young people in our lives we need to tackle it head-on: We’re talking (shouting!) about online grooming—when adults forge relationships with children online to exploit them. Tools like Avira Free Security help offer essential protection from online threats like viruses. Yet when it comes to facing invisible predators in the digital world, children are a key part of their own defence. Join us in standing up for them by educating them!
What is online grooming and how do you recognise it?
We all remember “stranger danger” from our own childhoods. “Don’t talk to people you don’t know and never accept candy from strangers”. Once upon a time, it all seemed so simple… Then the world digitised and was forever turned on its head. Now you don’t even have to leave home to explore freely, interact with abandon, and make new “friends” in minutes—even across the globe. Yet how well do you really know that new connection on LinkedIn or the person whose comment you’re replying to on Facebook? The line between stranger, friend, and (crucially) danger has become so blurred that it’s disappeared.
Some things haven’t changed, whether you’re pounding a real street or surfing an online highway: People aren’t always who they seem, and predators will seek out children. Now they come armed with cool profile photos rather than sweets and instead of the local park, online groups and forums are their playground.
Yet what is the official definition of grooming? Whether it occurs on- or offline, grooming refers to an adult forging a relationship with a child to gradually gain their trust so they can take advantage of their vulnerabilities. This process can take place over a long period of time, in various settings, and the “groomer” could be someone the victim knows, a stranger, or someone they’ve met online—and be of any age or gender. As the victim is manipulated, they’re encouraged to lower their inhibitions so they can be sexually abused, exploited, or even trafficked. Grooming shouldn’t be confused with cyberstalking, which is when a target is continuously (but anonymously) tracked, although both methods are used to gather information and may result in bullying and harassment.
Childline is an online service in the United Kingdom that helps young people who are experiencing personal issues and offers a wealth of information on grooming and how these predators operate. It lists the following signs of grooming—and it’s vital to teach youngsters to look out for them when engaging with others online.
- Asking you to keep things secret.
- Going to extra lengths to make you feel special and supported.
- Trying to find out more about you, including whether anyone else can see your device, where you live, and what your interests are.
- Sending you intimate or sexual content and asking you to share intimate details or photos in return.
- Giving you gifts and/or compliments so that you might feel more obliged to do as they ask.
- Making you feel more alone and encouraging you not to trust others.
- Threatening or blackmailing you by, for example, promising to make the confidential things you’ve shared public.
How do predators find children online: The 5 steps of online grooming
Obviously, an internet-enabled device is essential. Children are most vulnerable on websites that allow users to freely interact, such as social media and messaging apps, gaming and dating sites, as well as video and group chats. Here predators are patient and play a ‘long game’ of coercion and manipulation as they slowly build trust and a relationship, trying to befriend their victim. Instead of a lion ambushing its prey in a lightning-fast attack, think of a wolf in sheep’s clothing as it blends with the herd and offers kindness, support, and understanding to vulnerable, lonely ‘lambs’.
Typically, online grooming follows this five-step process:
- Targeting: Offenders start by creating false profiles on popular online platforms. To gain trust they pose as someone else, usually a child within the same age group. Often, perpetrators target children withing their own family or friendship circle.
- Gaining access: “Hi! I love bikinis and gaming too! Let’s chat”. It all starts so innocently. A predator contacts their chosen victim online, often by commenting on a post or sending them a direct message. Over time, they take conversations with their victim further, testing boundaries, gaining insight, and finding out about other relationships the child has, such as with parents, friends, or teachers. Above all, they make their target feel special by heaping praise, appreciation, and even give gifts like online gaming tokens, on them.
- Building a deeper relationship: As the bond between the groomer and victim is strengthened, the child becomes protective of their new friend and the special relationship they share. The predator continues to test boundaries and usually starts sexualising the interactions. They share explicit photos of themselves or other children and ask for the same in return and might even encourage the child to participate in sexual activities via webcam.
- Establishing control: Once a child has shared explicit content, like nude photos, the online trap snaps shut. The predator has succeeded in moving the relationship from emotionally dependent to controlling. The abuse tends to escalate as the predator demands more interaction and more revealing content.
- Maintaining control, and possible escalation: The perpetrator threatens to share the explicit content with parents or friends, or even promises violence if the victim doesn’t agree to further demands like sharing more images. This is called sextortion or online blackmail and it’s illegal. It plunges children into a cycle of fear, shame, and confusion which isolates them further and can stop them from asking for help.
US law enforcement agency, the FBI, has seen an increase in financial sextortion whereby the predator demands money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency or they’ll release the explicit content of their victim. According to the FBI’s sextortion webpage (status: April 2024), financially motivated groomers are usually located in West Africa and Southeast Asia. Their prey are most likely to be males between the ages of 14 and 17—although it’s important to remember that anyone can be blackmailed using their personal images and videos, including adults.
Internet Matters offers parents and carers resources and guidance on online safety. It collaborated with Youthworks, an employment programme for teens and young adults, to carry out the largest cyber-survey of its kind in the UK. This report, In Their Own Words – The Digital Lives of Schoolchildren, revealed alarming statistics, including that in 2019, around 14% of children who shared nudes were harassed into sending more photos. This is up from just 4% in 2015. Also, 22% felt someone was trying to control or stalk them online.
Beyond ‘just’ grooming, children can be exposed to violent content online and may develop digital addictions, as well as social media disorders. Explore the possible consequences of children and technology here.
Beyond virtual abuse: When predators want to meet in real life
Sometimes, simply viewing material and communicating online isn’t enough and predators try to meet their victims in real life. This puts the child at much greater risk as they can be sexually assaulted, raped, abducted, forced into sex trafficking or prostitution, and even be killed. Teens are more likely to be lured into such face-to-face meetings, as this age group is typically more rebellious, and parents are less able to control their behaviour. It’s therefore vital to teach young adults to arrange all face-to-face meetings in a public place, never to attend alone, and always let others (including parents) know where they are going! If they run into trouble, they need to know who to contact—and always promise judgement-free help. Teens who feel loved and supported will be less inclined to secrecy.
Signs that a child is a target of online grooming
Since predators operate in the shadows and are masters of coercion and virtual disguise, it’s important to be aware of changes in a child’s behaviour. Here’s a quick check list of the main symptoms that could indicate a young person is being groomed:
- Spending more time online.
- Being secretive about who they are talking to and what they are up to.
- Appearing more distracted and preoccupied than usual.
- Displaying personality changes, including being less sociable, more anxious, depressed, or having abrupt mood swings.
- Never switching their phone off and becoming defensive if questioned about it.
- Switching screens or closing tabs whenever a parent is close by.
- Using sexual language they wouldn’t usually be expected to know.
It’s important to note that grooming can be difficult to detect. It often happens in the solitude and comfort of the child’s bedroom, and they’ll be using a personal device which they will probably insist is strictly off-limits! They have a right to privacy—and you have a duty of care. It’s a precarious juggling act.
Who is at risk of online grooming?
No-one is immune from online grooming, and it can happen anywhere that children interact with the online world. According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), a leading UK charity dedicated to the welfare of young people, four in five victims of online grooming crimes are girls and those in the age group 12 to 15 are most likely to be targeted. Children who are lonely and vulnerable—yet extroverted enough to express their feelings online—are also at greater risk. Comments like “I feel so alone” or “Just had another fight with mum” can be magnets for predators trawling the virtual ocean. Children in care, those with disabilities, and the emotionally neglected are all soft targets. They’re looking for attention and affirmation, and where there is a need or vulnerability, groomers will eagerly exploit it to make the child dependent on their support (and less likely to speak out about any abuse).
If a child is vulnerable offline, it can lead to higher risk behaviour online. Targeted support and safeguarding are vital for young people in a crisis, who need priority access to safe housing, medical, and mental health services. Put simply: If their physical world becomes safer and better meets their needs, so too does their virtual environment. More confident, happier, healthier youngsters tend to make better choices, and are less likely to overshare online and not eagerly believe the vacant promises of strangers.
Helping children heal after online grooming
Survivors of grooming can carry the burden for life and suffer serious long-term mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, trouble sleeping, and even suicidal thoughts. If they’ve shared intimate content, they’ll also feel shame and may blame themselves. It’s important that victims have access to support from trusted adults, plus psychotherapy services to help prevent problems further down the line, such as substance abuse and promiscuous behaviour. Childline is a valuable first point of contact for distressed youngsters in the UK.
How platforms can help address online grooming
So great is the concern around children’s exposure to internet harm, that some countries are introducing laws designed to help increase protection. Currently, the onus is on children and their guardians to defend themselves and report suspicious behaviour. While fast, easy reporting procedures are vital, the platforms themselves must take on greater responsibility in creating safer spaces for users. The UK government’s Online Safety Act came into effect on 26 October 2023 and attempts to place legal responsibility on tech companies to prevent and rapidly remove illegal content, including revenge pornography.
There’s still a lot of work to be done in reducing potential online harms to young people! Effective measures need to combine technology solutions with policy changes and rigorous collaboration from stakeholders and include:
- Stronger age verification so that young children can’t access unsuitable content and it’s harder for online predators to masquerade as youngsters.
- Enhanced privacy protection with default privacy settings for younger users and tools that empower parents to monitor and control their children’s online activities.
- Educational resources and guidance for parents, guardians, and teachers, plus public awareness campaigns on how to teach online safety and good internet habits. View Facebook’s safety resources for parents here.
- Robust content moderation to help quickly detect and remove harmful content, as well as easy-to-use processes for users to report and escalate concerns.
- Adapted algorithms for minors help filter content and to minimize exposure to inappropriate posts.
Be a child’s safety net: Help protect them from online grooming
As a parent, guardian, or educator, you have a powerful part to play in helping children navigate their digital world more safely. Remind them of the dangers of using suggestive screen names or photos and sharing too much personal information. They’re magnets for predators. And if someone is full of compliments, children should be more wary than flattered. Above all, kids must remember that groomers can pretend to be anyone they choose. Pictures and personal details are easily faked, as “catfishing” demonstrates, where people are lured into relationships based on fake profiles.
As hard as it is with a surly teen, forging a relationship that is open and non-judgmental will mean they’re more likely to tell you if they encounter a problem. Talk often with them—but before you leap into these tricky conversations, dip into digital resources like Thorn for Parents. They’re designed to help parents and caregivers educate children about online safety. Good luck!
If you see online abuse, take action! Report it immediately to the platform in question, contact your local police or child protection services, and if you’re in the UK, the NSPCC will file a report on your behalf. Furthermore, you can contact the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command (CEOP), which operates as part of the UK’s National Crime Agency in helping protect children and young people from online sexual abuse and exploitation.
Online protection and privacy? Add some technological muscle!
Our behaviour online is an essential part of our defence, but there’s no overlooking the importance of reputable antivirus software. Avira Free Security goes a step (actually, many steps) further than ‘just’ helping protect your data and devices from the latest online threats. It also includes a VPN (to help encrypt your online communications), a Password Manager (to help create, securely store, and manage the passwords to your online accounts), a Software Updater (to help keep your computer systems securely patched), and more.